If there’s one man that can actually convince another man to start a skincare routine it has to be Patrick Bateman, the serial killer obsessed with his health, cleanliness, appearance, money and music collection in American Psycho.
He convinces you because he doesn’t try to, he just looks like success and apparently perfect skin is a criteria to embody it.
Think about it– or just compare these two individuals: which one seems more prosperous?
But Patrick Bateman from American Psycho beauty routine doesn’t limit itself to skincare. He takes care about his whole body and this actually helps towards better skin too. It’s a virtuous circle:
Anyways, no more bad jokes, let’s cut to the chase.
There are actually two Patrick Bateman. The one that’s described in the original novel by Bret Easton Ellis and the one portrayed by Christian Bale in the movie American Psycho. They’re obviously very similar beauty routines but we decided to do both.
Patrick Bateman Beauty Routine in the movie American Psycho is composed of 10 products while the routine in the novel is much more descriptive and has at least 20 items (more if you intend on getting the optional stuff)
Most of the products listed in the novel are fake brands so we selected what Patrick Bateman would. The products Christian Bale are using in American Psycho though are the exact same that are listed here.
Patrick Bateman Beauty Routine in American Psycho Movie
First of all, let’s remind us of Patrick Bateman’s morning routine:
- Put on an ice pack while doing your crunches
- Remove the ice pack and use a deep pore cleanser lotion (L’Occitane Eau du Contadour Shower Gel)
This exact product is discontinued but this other shower gel by l’Occitane is a very close match
- Use a water activated gel cleanser (Yves Saint Laurent Pour Homme Shower Gel)
This exact product is discontinued but a new updated version was released
- Then a honey almond body scrub (L’Occitane Nettoyant Moussant)
This exact product is discontinued and there are no close alternatives but Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman uses other L’Occitane products like the Milk Shower Gel
- And on the face an exfoliating gel scrub
No products are shown during this part of the routine but it is safe to say Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman used another L’Occitane product. Here’s their Almond exfoliating gel scrub which makes up for the honey almond body scrub being discontinued.
- Then apply an herb mint facial mask and leave on for 10 minutes
Again, no products are shown during this part of the routine and we were unable to find a herb mint facial mask. You could always make your own or get this facial mask by L’Occitane.
- Use an aftershave lotion without alcohol (Phyto Men Soothing Aftershave Balm)
- Then moisturizer (L’Occitane)
- Then an anti-age eye balm (PhytoPlage Huile Solaire Protectrice)
Patrick Bateman is seen taking the PhytoPlage Protective Sun Oil when talking about the eye balm.
- Followed by a moisturizing protective lotion (L’Occitane)
We were not able to identify the exact product but we got pretty close, in any case it is not being made anymore but this L’Occitane Cream is as close as it can get
Patrick Bateman Beauty Routine in the novel
“After I change into Ralph Lauren monogrammed boxer shorts and a Fair Isle sweater and slide into silk polka-dot Enrico Hidolin slippers I tie a plastic ice pack around my face and commence with the morning’s stretching exercises.”
“Afterwards I stand in front of a chrome and acrylic Washmobile bathroom sink – with soap dish, cup holder, and railings that serve as towel bars, which I bought at Hastings Tile to use while the marble sinks I ordered from Finland are being sanded – and stare at my reflection with the ice pack still on. I pour some Plax antiplaque formula into a stainless-steel tumbler and swish it around my mouth for thirty seconds.”
“Then I squeeze Rembrandt onto a faux-tortoiseshell toothbrush and start brushing my teeth (too hung over to floss properly – but maybe I flossed before bed last night?) and rinse with Listerine.”
Then I inspect my hands and use a nailbrush. I take the ice-pack mask off and use a deep-pore cleanser lotion, then an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for ten minutes while I check my toenails.
Then I use the Probright tooth polisher and next the Interplak tooth polisher (this in addition to the toothbrush) which has a speed of 4200 rpm and reverses direction forty-six times per second; the larger tufts clean between teeth and massage the gums while the short ones scrub the tooth surfaces. I rinse again, with Cepacol.
I wash the facial massage off with a spearmint face scrub. The shower has a universal all-directional shower head that adjusts within a thirty-inch vertical range. It’s made from Australian gold-black brass and covered with a white enamel finish.
In the shower I use first a water-activated gel cleanser, then a honey-almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub.
Vidal Sassoon shampoo is especially good at getting rid of the coating of dried perspiration, salts, oils, airborne pollutants and dirt that can weigh down hair and flatten it to the scalp which can make you look older. The conditioner is also good – silicone technology permits conditioning benefits without weighing down the hair which can also make you look older.
On weekends or before a date I prefer to use the Greune Natural Revitalizing Shampoo, the conditioner and the Nutrient Complex. These are formulas that contain D-panthenol, a vitamin-B-complex factor; polysorbate 80, a cleansing agent for the scalp; and natural herbs. Over the weekend I plan to go to Bloomingdale’s or Bergdorf’s and on Evelyn’s advice pick up a Foltene European Supplement and Shampoo for thinning hair which contains complex carbohydrates that penetrate the hair shafts for improved strength and shine.
Also the Vivagen Hair Enrichment Treatment, a new Redken product that prevents mineral deposits and prolongs the life cycle of hair. Luis Carruthers recommended the Aramis Nutriplexx system, a nutrient complex that helps increase circulation.
Once out of the shower and toweled dry I put the Ralph Lauren boxers back on and before applying the Mousse A Raser, a shaving cream by Pour Hommes, I press a hot towel against my face for two minutes to soften abrasive beard hair.
Then I always slather on a moisturizer (to my taste, Clinique) and let it soak in for a minute. You can rinse it off or keep it on and apply a shaving cream over it – preferably with a brush, which softens the beard as it lifts the whiskers – which I’ve found makes removing the hair easier. It also helps prevent water from evaporating and reduces friction between your skin and the blade. Always wet the razor with warm water before shaving and shave in the direction the beard grows, pressing gently on the skin. Leave the sideburns and chin for last, since these whiskers are tougher and need more time to soften. Rinse the razor and shake off any excess water before starting. Afterwards splash cool water on the face to remove any trace of lather.
You should use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol. Never use cologne on your face, since the high alcohol content dries your face out and makes you look older. One should use an alcohol-free antibacterial toner with a water-moistened cotton ball to normalize the skin.
Applying a moisturizer is the final step. Splash on water before applying an emollient lotion to soften the skin and seal in the moisture. Next apply Gel Appaisant, also made by Pour Hommes, which is an excellent, soothing skin lotion. If the face seems dry and flaky – which makes it look dull and older – use a clarifying lotion that removes flakes and uncovers fine skin (it can also make your tan look darker).
Then apply an anti-aging eye balm (Baume Des Yeux) followed by a final moisturizing “protective” lotion.
A scalp-programming lotion is used after I towel my hair dry. I also lightly blow-dry the hair to give it body and control (but without stickiness) and then add more of the lotion, shaping it with a Kent natural-bristle brush, and finally slick it back with a wide-tooth comb.
I retrieve the copy of USA Today that lies in front of my door in the hallway and bring it with me into the kitchen where I take two Advil, a multivitamin and a potassium tablet, washing them down with a large bottle of Evian water since the maid, an elderly Chinese woman, forgot to turn the dishwasher on when she left yesterday, and then I have to pour the grapefruit-lemon juice into a St. Remy wineglass I got from Baccarat.